I Like Being Engaged

My life is changing tomorrow.  I’ll be handing in my last law school assignment.  I’ll be turning 26.  My post-graduation plans really solidly outline the next two and a half months (studystudystudystudy BAR EXAM), but become as sketchy and unclear as the bottom slip of carbon paper when you wrote on the top copy against your palm.

I don’t know where I’m going (and I’m not sure how to feel about where I’ve been) but I do know I will be with Collin.

I like that feeling. I like looking at Collin’s face when he rolls over in the night and smiles at me in his sleep, and trying picture how that smile will crinkle his face when he’s 50.  I like thinking about all the places we might end up living, and believing any of them could feel like home because Collin will be there (except for NYC.  Guh.  We’re never moving there).  I like knowing that as much as I beat myself up for being un(der)employed for the next however many months, Collin will still think I’m great, and will help me have faith that the right opportunity for me is just around the corner.

I like having something knowable about the future. So I like being engaged. And I think I’m going to love being married.


6 responses to “I Like Being Engaged

  1. This post made me smile. Because as much as the future excites me, it also really scares me. It feels good to know that someone will go through it with you, and together you’ll be just as scared and excited for all of it.

    Thanks for sharing these good vibes.

    • The title of your blog is hilarious to me! Collin and I have a strict 1:1 maximum animal:person ratio for our family planning. Also Collin thinks your cats are really cute.

  2. Mmm I’m feeling the same way. I graduate with my bachelor’s in 5 weeks and there’s no jobs out there. and we’re getting married in February and Fiance is trying to become a filmmaker…so all that security and money stuff is up in the air. But Fiance is my constant, we know it’ll all work out.

  3. I like this post. I like it a lot, and I’m speaking as someone who has previously studiedstudiedstudiedstudied Passed the BAR EXAM.

    And also as someone who has been known to watch her fiance sleep just to see his mouth twitch and his eyes crinkle as he dreams.

    Right now he’s sitting next to me and just turned to smile and say, “Hey, we’ll be okay” because of bad crap that has been going on all day.

    This is a good feeling.

  4. aw, thats so cute! And I’m pretty sure thats been my favorite part of being engaged…enjoying the image of my cutie 20, 30, 40 years from now when hes going to be a silver fox. My silver fox. 🙂

  5. Me too. We’ve had so many life-related scares since we got engaged, and so much life-related insecurity, but we have each other and that’s made it all okay. And that’s at the core of why we’re all going through this wedding/marriage process. It will work out (Bar, employment questions, moving, etc) because you’re in it together. And in the meantime, good luck on the bar prep!

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