While watching two television characters share a first kiss yesterday, the thought occurred to me that I won’t get any more first kisses (I mean, barring adultery, divorce, or widowhood. Let’s bar those things, shall we?) And I was a little sad, because that magnetic pull and surge of excitement that comes with a first kiss, I think we can all agree, is pretty freakin’ awesome.
And then I started to think about all the other things I’m closing the door to by getting married. No more goofy phone calls with my sister and my girlfriends that start with, “So I met this guy.” No more dirty dancing with total strangers at clubs. [Wait, I never go to clubs. What I mean is no more dirty dancing with total strangers at icky bars that look like grandpa’s basement where they serve $1.50 PBRs and call it “80’s Night” when half the music is from 1990-1992. Which is something I did only slightly more often than never.]
It reminded me of Beautiful Girls, which is a terrible movie that I nevertheless love. How terrible? The main character falls in love with his thirteen-year-old neighbor, and I think we’re supposed to find it sweet. He has a perfectly fine girlfriend who is above the age of consent, but he doesn’t want to commit to her because then he won’t get that feeling of first falling in love anymore. “Why not have two, three more of those beginnings before I settle into the big fade?”
[I’m not saying this dude is right. This is a guy who, while heading upstairs to bed his adult girlfriend, stops to lean out the window and tell his thirteen-year-old neighbor that she’s prettier than the girlfriend he’s about to bone. He’s a total jagoff.]
On the flip side, I’m sure a lot of people like the “settling down” part of marriage because it spares them all the bullshit of dating. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot about dating I will never miss. And I obviously think being with Collin is better than first kisses. Better than 50,000 first kisses, which is probably more than I could hope for.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn a little bit for the potential beginnings I’m closing the door to. And I’m glad I do, because it makes choosing to get married more meaningful.