This week, the Knot has a helpful list of the “worst” or “most common” (depending on what link you click) wedding planning mistakes a bride can make.
Second on the list is a mistake so dreadful I feel obligated to bring it to your attention.
This mistake is worse than putting the wrong date on your invitations. Worse than saying the wrong name at the altar. Worse than signing up for the Knot’s newsletter!
Fellow brides, no matter what you do, DO NOT “read aloud to your fiancé… from bridal magazines.”
“Look, we know it’s not the Stone Age, and there are plenty of guys out there who want to see their wedding as an event that reflects their style too (or at least one that isn’t dripping with pink froufrou). But there’s likely to be a limit to your fiance’s ability to cope with an infinite array of invitation choices.”
Fiancés hate weddings. That’s why they get engaged. To get that shit over with, so they can live the rest of their lives without dreading their wedding. [Fiancés are also ALL dudes, by the way. Or have you forgotten your
But the only thing they hate more than weddings is PINK FROUFROU. What is pink froufrou, you ask? A contagious skin rash? A mildewy residue that stubbornly sticks to shower grout? A communist kitty cat? No! Worse than all these things. Pink frou frou is girl stuff.
Fiancés will tolerate exposure to wedding planning only to the extent necessary to protect against pink froufrou. You may have your heart set on fuchsia unicorns frolicking through nests of puce tulle as centerpieces, because you are a girl and girls like that crap. Well, be ready for your dude to nix that in favor of some stainless steel wrapped in black leather wrapped in bacon wrapped in Xboxes. [You should accept that style choice, because it is his day too. Don’t be a Bridezilla.]
But don’t think that because your fiancé put his foot down on the centerpieces that he actually cares enough to listen when you talk to him. Especially when you are reading aloud from a bridal magazine. [Like your local edition of the Knot in print! Only $4.99, at newsstands everywhere!] That’s like using your mouth as a weaponized estrogen launcher.
I read one, just one, tip on how to soften square tables by matching chairs to chargers, and now Collin has testicular cancer.
Don’t make my mistake. Listen to the Knot. Only speak of weddings when spoken to. And while you’re at it, try not to be such a girl.