Folks, it is February Seven-freakin-teenth and I haven’t gotten the March issue of Brides yet. Now, there are plenty of rational explanations for this, like there is no March 2011 issue of Brides or that my free subscription was only for six months, not a year.
But those explanations are boring! So let me throw out this idea: Condé Nast cut me off because of my CRACK REPORTING!
Yes, the dying medium of print is fighting back against my subversive blog tallies. “If you want to make fun of us, Little Miss HitchDied, you’re going to have to PAY NEWSSTAND PRICES to do it! MWA HA HA!”
Next thing you know they’ll be cutting down trees to print more advertorials about honeymoons in Belize and they’ll “accidentally” fell a gigantic sequoia on my roof. [If you are thinking, “Robin, don’t you live in a totally paved-over neighborhood in Pittsburgh?” I envy your naiveté. There are powerful PRINT MEDIA forces at work here. No one is safe!]
Either that or the Post Office is diverting my fun mail because I’ve wasted so many postal worker hours with my undeliverable save the dates [Return-to-sender save the dates were literally THE ONLY THING in our mailbox today. Embarassing!]
But seriously, is there a March 2011 issue of Brides?