Today was a good day.
I’d been trying to write a post about suffering from depression for a while now, letting a draft malinger on my dashboard since at least the New Year. But I struggled with it. I struggled with the wording, sure, but what I was really struggling with was baring so much of myself to this audience. It’s easy to be Puff; it’s harder to be Sean, you know?
So, paradoxically, when I started to think of the post as a Wedding Undergraduate piece, something that would reach a much larger audience than my humble little wedding blog here, the words started flowing so much more easily. Because writing for HitchDied, I felt like I was setting myself apart as The Depressed One. [Even though I knew that other people in my little circle within the wedding blog universe had struggled with depression.] But writing for A Practical Wedding, I felt more like I was speaking out on behalf of, unfortunately, a pretty sizeable group of people who have had depression intersect with their life and their marriage.
So to everyone who thanked me today, everyone who hit the “Exactly!” button, everyone who shared their own story of their depression or their partners’, I wrote that post for you, so thank YOU. Thank you so much for giving me the motivation I needed to write something I absolutely had to express.
And thank you for responding so warmly and kindly. Even those who are lucky enough to not have any depression in their lives. The comments and twitter messages and e-mails from old friends and total strangers alike touched my heart and moved me to tears.
I got a call from my beloved mother-in-law Viki, telling me how proud she is of me and how much she loves me. I told her I hadn’t really emotionally processed the whole thing yet, but I felt great. And THEN I got a call from my ALSO beloved father-in-law Tom. Tom, who’s supposed to be my ally as a emotionally-reserved-WASP thrust into the Ginsberg Globe of Goo. Tom, who started the conversation by telling me that my post made him cry. Which, in case that weren’t enough to break me, he then proved by crying a bit over the phone. And then he told me “Collin is lucky to have you, and so are we.” And then there was entirely too much crying for a pair of WASPS to admit to. So let’s just pretend we both nodded and swallowed heavily and carried on with our business without any emotion cracking our face, shall we? “Thanks for calling, sir.” “You are welcome, young lady who is betrothed to my son.” Yes. That is how the conversation ended.
I’ll end this conversation by reiterating my gratitude to the A Practical Wedding community, to Meg for running the post, to Assistant Editors Alyssa and Lauren, to the readers, and to the commenters. And I also want to express my gratitude, if I haven’t enough, to the HitchDied community, to our family and our friends, both in the real world and in the intertubes. To anyone who may be new here, welcome, I hope you stick around.
I felt very loved today, almost overwhelmingly so. I think, maybe, this is a bit of a preview for how our wedding day will feel. And that’s really exciting.
Today was a good day.