Twitterpated

It’s the first day of Spring. What does that mean? Eggs can balance on their end? No, dummy! Free water ice at Rita’s? Yes, but only if you have the patience to stand in line until Summer. What Spring’s arrival really means for me is the sudden onset of DRESS FEVER.

Hellooooo, Nurse!

Dress fever makes you do bold things like interrogate strangers on the street about where they shop. It makes you do foolish things like order from Modcloth and expect your dress to be longer than a necktie. It makes you do reckless things like walk into an Anthropologie store with your credit card on your person.

I want to put this dress in my mouth. I know that sounds weird.

I’ve been trying to be better about buying stuff I don’t need, what with my income being as puny as it is, and let me assure you: I do not need any more dresses. A full two-thirds of my walk-in closet is dresses. But I’ve got dress fever, and I’ve got it bad.

This won't fit me right in the boobs. I know that. I still want to buy it.

And the troubling thing is that getting married presents plenty of occasions I “need” a new dress for. Bachelorette party. Wedding shower. Rehearsal dinner. Morning-after brunch. The honeymoon! [I’d make a joke about how I won’t need dresses for the honeymoon because I’ll be naked the whole time, but that would be SUCH a lie and also not very funny.]

Based on these last couple dresses, I guess it is safe to say I want to be dressed like the graphics for a 70s game show.

I’m powerless against the siren call of spring dresses in a normal year, but with wedding events as excuses I’m bound to get into serious shopping trouble. Thank goodness I don’t feel this way about shoes or I’d have twice as much trouble.

Anyone have a miracle cure for dress fever?

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7 responses to “Twitterpated

  1. I think we need to be friends, even though the last thing I need is a dress enabler. The only thing that works for me is a combination approach:

    (1) pick out dresses that I already own that will suit upcoming events, then when I find “the perfect dress for my roommates’s sister’s wedding shower” I can remind myself that I already have a dress. It makes the purchase harder to rationalize.

    (2) shock therapy: add up the cost of all the dresses I’ve bought over X months and compare it to my rent.

    (3) bargaining: allow myself to shop for discount shoes to spruce up an older but still barely-worn dress.

    Good luck! Even with all my tricks, I can’t say I’d be safe around that dress with the orange pattern with my credit card. Pleated skirts make my heart go pitter-patter.

    • I counted all the dresses in my closet recently for “shock therapy” reasons. It was upsetting.

      I’ve done “I can buy X new makeup or hair thing” instead of a new dress. I’m just lazy about shoes. But that does help a lot! Lipstick is usually cheaper than a dress.

  2. OH MAN. I sooooooo want to use the honeymoon as a reason to buy more clothes. I currently have three (reasons) that would work very very well. Restraint is painful at the moment.

    Those dresses are killing me! Also, I love ModCloth, but HATE the length of their clothes. It’s a total bummer.

  3. I love dresses. They make getting dressed so easy. I have a really hard time resisting buying them too. If you ever figure out the cure, let me know.

  4. “i want to put this dress in my mouth.”
    i want to hug you.
    i accidentally blurt out the weirdest things while we’re shopping…mainly because saying things like, “HOW CUTE IS THIS?” don’t come naturally at all. “i want to eat this.” is a recent one.
    hilarious lady.
    dress fever is fatal in some areas, you should watch out, maybe you can just get one to tide you over and hold off symptoms for a while?

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