April 2011 Brides Magazine, By The Numbers

# pages: 322
# pages of advertising: 207 2/3

# pages in Alfred Angelo Disney Fairy Tale Wedding ad block: 13
# Disney Princesses represented: 7 (Belle, Aurora, Ariel, Snow White, Jasmine, Cinderella, Tiana)
Sole Disney Princess on single-page spread Just guess. [Spoiler: the black one.]
# models of color used to represent Jasmine & Tiana: 1
# white models used to represent remaining five white princesses: At least 2

# models in Bill Levkoff ad spread: 1 or 2, depending on which of my friends you ask.

# of friends I asked: 9 (we were about evenly split of the “is that the same person?” vote. I vote there are two people).
# of dresses pictured: 12
# of distinct headshots photoshopped onto pictured dresses: 8
Creepiness factor: 97

# of bridesmaids dresses pictured in ads and editorial content: 90
# of full-length bridesmaid dresses pictured: 24
# knee or cocktail-length bridesmaid dresses pictured: 66

Average # lbs. lost by¬†brides in “The Weight is Over” Feature : 49.5
Average lbs./week lost by these brides: 5.275
% these brides who subscribed to paid dieting programs to lose weight: 100%

# of “things only a wedding planner knows” I totally already knew: 7
# of creative ways to make a paper cone I need to know for my wedding: 0
# of creative ways to make a paper cone now cluttering my brain:15

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23 responses to “April 2011 Brides Magazine, By The Numbers

  1. OK I’ve never heard of the Disney Princess line by Alfred Angelo. This actually exists? I’m not sure if I want to look them up or not.

    • I don’t think it is even the first line of Disney Princess wedding gowns. I think they existed (with another label) when one of my friends was planning her wedding back in 2004.

  2. Two different people because of:

    a) the hairline
    b) the right ear is shaped differently

    Although I would vote for being biological sisters…

  3. Ahh, see, I was going to argue for the SAME person because of hairline and ears. Haha!

    Also. I saw the Disney line revealed in a Bridal Expo brochure I was sent in the mail. I had a rant about it in the kitchen, showed Jon. He was speechless for about 4 minutes and then could barely muster the words “That. Is. Scary”

  4. I love you for doing this. Especially because it means I never have to. THANK YOU.

    (No paper cone brain clutter for me!)

  5. Wow, 5+ pounds/week sounds like totally healthy weight loss. Oh wait, these were humans and not obese pachyderms? Then yeah, maybe not. Also, there is something super creepy about this Disney princess bridal line, not the least of which is the “exotic” model on a flying carpet in the Jasmine dress. Yes, I went to the website out of morbid curiosity. Yes, I regret it.

    • The weight loss feature was awful, not just because it was hip-deep in body hate (one woman keeps a photo from before the weight loss “to remind me of the woman I don’t want to be”), but also because it was so transparently a “to lose weight you need to give up your $$$$$$$$$$$$$” piece.

  6. 1. Same person, with photoshop magic to make her look tan. Eyebrown lines are the same, and the ear thing is just a trick of the angle she holds her head. Or twins.

    2. I call shenanigans with your creepiness factor and demand to know the foundational basis that makes it more likely than not true that the creepiness factor is in fact a 97. (Err, sorry; working hard lately.)
    3. What is a paper cone?

    • It is a piece of paper folded to make a cone. I think you use it to hold things like rice or birdseed or petals or whatever you are pelted with when you exit the church? You know… in cartoon weddings from 1981?

  7. I really thought it was 2 models, but I’m sold on Sarah’s explanation. My vote is for 1.

    Also, I tried on practically the whole line of Kirstie Kelly’s Disney Princess dresses because they were selling samples in my size for relatively little money. And after about 4 dresses, I was like oh crap, no matter how great this dress is, it it TOO weird that it’s Disney Princesses. It really is taking the whole fairy-tale, little-girl dreaming marketing tactic *too* fair. I mean, I’m a grown ass woman marrying a grown ass man, can we leave animated fairy tales out of it?

  8. Re Robin via Becky’s: The whole magazine was disappointing for a bride who is in her very super initial stages of planning on a budget. I was just shocked for the amount they considered bargain ($700 for a dress is a BARGAIN!?) And the ideas they wanted were so not helpful, you know?

    I’ve found the blogoshpere filled with so much more helpful ideas. And ideas for real budget brides.

    • They have a semi-regular feature where they compare two similar products at wildly different prices and try to convince you the more expensive one is worth it. And the cheaper one is still too expensive for me a lot of the time.

  9. They’ve got to be the same person… but maybe they photoshopped a tad so they didn’t look like they were cutting corners and repeating models? Also, almost as absurd, but not as racist as the Disney line, there is a Barbie Bridal line. Lots of pink… and hairpieces on the flower girls. I guess we have to get back in touch with the little-girl-us instead of tapping into our current adult-self bride.

  10. I bloody love you. I really want to do this but I can’t bring myself to buy the weighty tomes.

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  13. I love this feature… hilarious! And its no better this side of the pond! i buy them and then immediately regret it because every month, same ol’ shit

    Although I hadnt come across the ‘Disney’ dresses….. FFS!

  14. oooh, what are these things ‘only a wedding planner knows’? I’m very curious. also, I think they are two different people too but was getting freaked out the more I looked at them…

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