Category Archives: Ring

Ring Things

I just took off my engagement ring while chopping veggies for a pot roast, leaving it in the middle of a table so it wouldn’t accidentally fall into my garbage disposal or anything terrible like that.

Of course, by time I had the Crock Pot set, the ring wasn’t where I left it. I failed to take Collin’s two cats into consideration. They see anything shaped like a circle, and they go nuts over it.

Cue adrenaline spike. Where’s my ring? Did one of the cats EAT the ring? Did they knock it down a vent? Could they have knocked one of the diamonds1 loose?

After a few deep breaths and a quick survey of the floor surrounding the table, I found my ring, perfectly intact. I immediately turned to the Internet to find… those ring things.

It turns out “ring things” is not a very useful search term. So I tried “ring holdy thingy.” Also no dice, but Bing suggested “ring holder,” which I suppose is what I am actually looking for.

Now that I have the proper vocabulary, I’ve found, to my dismay, that there are only two varieties of ring holders readily available:

  1. Ashtrays with a phallic pole in the center:
  2. Animal-shaped figurines that I also find weirdly reminiscent of marital aides:

Ok, I don’t want to have anything like that on my counter, much less pay for it. On the bright side, I’m saved from buying another tchotchke. But I still need a practical way to safely and easily set my ring aside for cooking, showering, and other drain-adjacent tasks. I’d love to hear suggestions!

1Yes, my ring has diamonds in it. No, they aren’t Canadian, and they weren’t cut in the States after I personally reviewed their Kimberly Process Certification. Yes, I realize this damns me to hell. I suspect I’ll write a long, defensive, offensive post about The Trouble With Diamonds one of these days.

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