January 2011 Brides Magazine, by the Numbers

# pages: 336
# pages of advertising: 221.5
# additional pages of actual content in this issue vs. the December issue: 32.5 [Maybe they had a new year’s resolution to be more of a magazine and less of a glossy collection of advertisements?]
# pages it took to surpass entire December 2010 issue in images of brides of color: 68 [And to be less racist?]
# pages of content focused on grooms: 4 [And even a tiny bit less sexist?!]
# pages of content that consider budget concerns: 14 [And more relevant?]
Cost of single cupcake leading off “Cupcake Nation” feature, including liner: $8.40 [Er… maybe not.]
Slice of the budget of the “average” wedding allotted to groom’s formal wear: 0.9%
Slice of the budget of the “average” wedding allotted to the brides’ ensemble: 5.8%
Slice of the budget of the “average” wedding allotted to flowers: 7.1%
Amount of tears I would cry if I had to spend more money on flowers than I did on my wedding dress: 910
# of “15 (other) reasons to get married” that conceivably actually require marriage: 4
# of “15 (other) reasons to get married” that make me shout, “SEXIST!”: 4, plus “Reason 16: He can go through life not asking for directions—because you’ll do it for him.” [Gah! Even ignoring feminism for a moment, WE LIVE IN THE AGE OF THE GPS!]
Number of minutes I believed Brides had turned a corner and was becoming a less worthless publication:35.

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6 responses to “January 2011 Brides Magazine, by the Numbers

  1. Yeah, I’ll ask directions for him so he can go right on continuing to be a manchild right after I wipe his butt. Please.

    Hilarious as always! “Amount of tears I would cry if I had to spend more money on flowers than I did on my wedding dress” Haha!

  2. I’m floored by that cupcake cost, and I’m really curious about the “15 (other) reasons” to get married, but not enough to spend money on that book of advertising.

    • Just to be clear: my subscription to Brides came with admission to the bridal show I went to right after we got engaged. Although, considering we have yet to take advantage of any of the discounts or offers we got at the bridal show, you might say that I really paid the seven dollars admission to have a subscription to Brides.

      • I went to a Bridal show once when I was planning my first wedding. The entry prize was a box of 18 drinking glasses (you know, water and juice glasses).

  3. I read this fast and thought you wrote 4 pages on grooming…I was surprised Brides magazine would call it grooming and not something else ha ha…also the flowers thing is nuts, we went silk & I don’t think anyone cared.

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